Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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