so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
