Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
