Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This house was built for laser tag.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
