Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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