is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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