had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
