On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
