she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
