we have officially lost it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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