Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
