Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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