I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
