i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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