So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
