A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
