i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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