he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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