Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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