Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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