you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
