I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i think i just lost a toe
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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