the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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