"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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