i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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