Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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