I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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