I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
