I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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