Cold hands, warm shart.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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