Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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