Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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