i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
