my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
