Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
