Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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