There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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