No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
