Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
