You really coming over, don't trick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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