my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture