but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction