i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?