i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.