It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
