call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
