I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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