I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
