it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
