Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
