So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
