I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
