And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
