we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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