i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
